Moving on

During the first three months of being pregnant I was frustrated at not being able to blog about it, about everything I was thinking about and feeling and experiencing.  You should probably all be very glad.  So I expected to write a little more than I have done now that it's public knowledge.

However...

This baby was quite a surprise and it's been a huge adjustment.  My future looks very different to what I was expecting.  Some of it feels like quite a loss to me, although I know once the baby is actually here I will be so pleased and excited.  But I don't really want the baby looking back at my blog in 10 years time and seeing lots of negative things.  So far, the baby feels like more of an idea than a person and I know I will love the person.

I've also been SO tired.  It's hard to think of anything much to say.  I go to work, I come home, I lie on the sofa, I go to bed.  I can't really write about work (going well, a bit stressful at times) and there's really not much else going on.  So not much to inspire me to write.

And mostly I'm bored and miserable.  I'm too tired to do much and I feel ill.  This morning I was sick again - a less-than-welcome second-trimester development.  Ok, I've only been sick three times - it's not major-league suffering.  But everyone spends the whole of early pregnancy promising you amazing energy and wellbeing during your second trimester.  I'm nearly halfway through my second trimester and the blooming is yet to start.

However...

Things are getting better.  Overall, I do feel less ill.  I've got a little bump.  We heard the baby's heartbeat.  We bought a pram (it's amazing how much difference a pram in the corner makes - apparently we really are going to have a baby).  In another few weeks we'll have the 20 week scan and maybe find out whether it's a boy or a girl.  Matt is starting work on the nursery.  It feels like we're moving on.