Decisions, decisions (pretty shoes)

I need to buy a pair of trainers. I have some Doc Martens which hurt my feet. I'm not sure if they're the wrong size or a bit weird but they really hurt my feet.

I've been shopping twice to try to buy some and still not succeeded. I left yesterdy because the alternative was to lie on the floor of the shop and cry.

Finally I realise why I can't buy any trainers. I haven't made a decision about everyday footwear for 10 years. This is because my standard procedure has been to find a shop that sells Dr Martens, buy a pair of black size 8 8-hole boots and put them on. I then wear them til the sole wears out and repeat the procedure.

Black Dr Marten boots are non-statement footwear. They don't look like anything. Trainers look like something. You have to choose a colour and a style. If you get that far, they won't have it in your size.

Looks like I'm consigned to more sore feet. If I were rich I would paysomeone to do my shopping for me.

But what's the point?

Here's my question: what's the point of being alive? It sounds morbid, I know, but it's one that a lot of people ask themselves. When I'm old, how can I look back at my life and feel I made good use of it? What should I do now to feel happy and satisfied, now and later? My MA isn't going well so it looks unlikely that I'm going to be a revolutionary academic and solve all of the world's problems. I have to find something else to do. What can I do that will match up to that sort of goal? And what makes you feel happy with your life?

Living the dream...

SPEAK have made the world's biggest dress and are taking it on a mini-tour. As I've done lots of logistical-type stuff at Soundcheck, the annual gathering of the SPEAK network, they've asked me if I'd like to do that for this Big Dress mini tour. Well, I'd love to. But...

1. It's in Cambridge. I live in Manchester.
2. I have a part-time job.
3. I'm doing an MA and have two essays to do.

It's been mooted as full time for a couple of months but I could possibly do it part time. I'm very tempted - I love the big dress and would love to take it on tour. I love organising events and I love SPEAK and... how much fun would it be?

I have to admit, I am tempted to (a) chuck in my job and do this for a couple of months and then get something else or (b) chuck in my MA and do this for a couple of months. I am quite bored of my job and the MA is difficult and has been severely hampered by a bit of a family crisis which has turned my brain into mush. So this is very appealing. And they'll even pay me, which would be revolutionary. I'm not sure Matt would say if I took off to Cambridge to live in a teepee for 8 weeks or so. But... it would be fun...