Resolutions

Yes, I know, New Year's Resolutions are dull and pointless and everyone gives up the diet after 3 days. However, after being asked what the fuck I'm doing with my life by a friend a couple of weeks ago, I have thought about it a bit. So here's how I see my life changing in the next year or so:

1. Stop being a fat slug. Once upon a time I was young and it didn't matter if I didn't do much exercise. Now, however, I am starting to feel unhealthy. I'm going to try to cycle to work and eat more fruit and vegetables.
2. Buy a house. I want to live near the Outdoors and see hills and trees and things. Also I want to buy a house so we have somewhere to live when we are pensionable.
3. Become more content. I want to be happier with myself and my life and I want to do more things that I like doing.

Maybe it will happen...

It's not like I haven't tried...

Why aren't I asleep? Is it because:

(a) I have a cold so I keep sneezing and blowing my nose?
(b) My brain is busy thinking about all the different things I want to do so won't go to sleep?
(c) I'm a big fat slug who just sits around not doing enough exercise to actually need any sleep?
(d) All of the above?

If you answered (d), well done!

This has given me some insight into why Matt is quite often tired. Every time I sneezed, he would half wake up, fumble for the light and mutter "shush-shush-shush-it's-ok". Which is presumably what he does every time I have one of my weird nightmares. Poor boy...

Bell x1

Are you as bored of reading about my essay as I am of writing it? Thought so...

On Monday I went to see a band called Bell x1. It was a brilliant gig and they played my two favourite songs - Eve, the apple of my eye and I'll see your heart and raise you mine. Eve... can be listened to on the website, as can Tongue, which I really like. At the moment, for me it's about reclaiming my life and trying to make it how I want it to be.

Usually when I listen to music, it's on CD. On the website you can watch the music video. I've never really watched music videos much and I fidn them slightly odd. Like with Eve, the apple of my eye, there's someone with half an apple for a head who eventually dances with someone else with half an apple for a head. What's that all about?

Then, watching music live... again, it's a kind of odd experience. Bell x1's first abulm, when I listen to it, seems quite gentle most of the time. But the lead singer does weird dancing on stage, which gives it much more of an edge.

I'm waffling. I'm going back to the essay... Just listen to the music - it's very good...

Constructing

I'm trying (still) to write my essay: "The contribution of constructivism to understandings of states in International Political Economy: a critical analysis". This title I kind of chose myself.

1. Critical analysis seems very unlikely at the moment. I don't even know what I'm talking about a lot of the time.

2. I have about 3,000 words at the moment. The finished essay should be 3,500. However, I'll have to take out quite a lot of the words I have at the moment and put some different ones in.

3. I get very easily distracted by the internet.

4. I'm not sure that my essay will relate to IPE either. IPE seems to be both everything and nothing.

5. I'm becoming a hermit. I just sit at home and read books and write about what they say. I was in my pyjamas (technically they're Matt's - they're longer and warmer than mine and much more suitable for being in all day) and the only reason I got dressed at all was because I'm going to see the Levellers later today and I thought I probably should be.

Well, I can see the ladder...

Our house is beautiful. Everyone agrees on this.

Well, except me. For some reason, I’m not keen on it. I just don’t like it. I’ve liked very other house I’ve lived in, even the flat with noisy neighbours, draughts windows, no heating or double glazing and a kitchen with one cupboard and no windows – draughty or not.

So I’ve thought about buying a house for ages. I want to live somewhere where we can do what we want, where it’s worth decorating, where I can do what I want with the garden. I think I have a slightly idealised idea of home ownership – but I also want to spend money on somewhere I can live when I’m decrepit rather than give it to my landlord. Meshal is very nice but it’s starting to feel like wasted money.

Matt and I have talked about it and on Saturday I rang up the bank and Made Enquiries. We can have a mortgage. Matt and I talked about it further. I want to rush off, look at houses, buy somewhere and hope for the best. Matt wants to save up enough money to pay solicitors’ fees.

As usual, we are doing the fairly sensible thing. We’re saving and I’m looking at houses on the internet and imagining… This is slightly complicated by Manchester being Very Big. I know some places in South Manchester. South Manchester can be split into areas which are unaffordable and areas which we don’t want to live in. North Manchester is cheaper but we know nothing about it. Then there’s Salford on the left and Tameside on the right. Salford’s out of the question as Matt lived there while at uni and doesn’t want to do it again.

So I imagine this state of affairs will continue for quite a few months… We may not be on the property ladder yet but at least I can see the bottom…