On Wednesday I felt like this had stamped on me. I got my mark for the module I did last term.
You remember how hard I worked? If not, see here and here and here and, finally, here. I worked VERY HARD on my essay. I rewrote it about 9 times. I gave 7 solid weeks of my life to that essay. I worked on it on Christmas Eve.
Let me reproduce for you the comments that were written on the marksheet:
"This was in many ways a competent* essay, but the arguments were left underdeveeloped and some of the contentions were rather dubious**. The first half of the essay consisted entirely of a reprising of the literature***, and the critical analysis failed really to get off the ground**** [here we go onto a second sheet which wasn't photocopied very well]... so detailed critical examination ... [no idea what this word is] was offered, and the understanding of it appeared frequently somewhat superficial.*****"
I got 50% for my essay. That's 'as bad as possible while still scraping through to MA standard'. I was devastated. I want to do a PhD. I need to get funding for that. To get funding you need to be 'stellar'. 53% for a module does not equate to stellar, I'm guessing. So I cried for most of the rest of Wednesday. Thank you to my Sanctus friends who were very kind to me, and also to Em - we spent an hour on the phone reassuring each other that we are good at what we do.
However, yesterday things began to improve. I went to see my current tutor******, who gave me advice on reading critically and assured me that my academic career was not over yet. And then when I went to my seminar it transpired that only one person in the class had got over 60%. One person, who managed last year to get something like 70% for an essay she wrote when she had just had a baby (seriously - she had the baby in November and got an extension on the essay) got less than 60% for this one.
So I'm treating this as a learning experience, which of course it is. I'm seeing where I can improve. I've stopped crying quite so much...
*when 'competent' is the best thing which can be said about your work, you know it's time to shoot yourself.
**'Dubious'???? I liked my contentions. And I think if you are going to say someone's contentions are dubious, you should at least say which ones and why.
***This is probably true
****And this. My secret fear all the way through last term was that I couldn't do critical analysis. Having your secret fears confirmed is very unpleasant.
*****'Superficial'? That's mean.
******If you see this man, buy him a drink.
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7 comments:
Pardon?
I accidentally posted just the title and then updated it with an actually blog entry...
Oh. Now my comment looks a little silly :-)
Maybe - but before that I looked a little silly, so you were quite justified!
Little sarah, these things happen ALL THE TIME to make us better at stuff. Just make sure you get better, or you'll forever be rubbish. This much is true.
...oh, and don't cry over spilt milk. Cry over more important stuff like the fact that the Pension I have been contributing to for the last 5 years actually doesn't exist, so I'm going to the poorest old man ever. Cry over THAT!
ah Mr Stuart Sheilds. What a fine man.
I think you should have got 75% for your essay. I would have given u that mark. I'm knackered and can't type very well cos I have just finished my placement forever and am recovering from the past 7 weeks which have comprised of playing dominoes with patients, doing craft groups, playing pass the parcel and watching patients make a hot drink. sorry. this comment is almost a blog entry. did u get my post card?
Yes, thank you very much. Lincolnshire looks... rural...
Pensions are a bit of a bugger aren't they? Whne I'm in charge of the world I'll think of a better way of doing things.
I think pension insecurity is partly to do with greed on the part of employers/pension-owners and partly to do with the insecurity of the stock market. But with house prices being so high and pensions being so unreliable, I think we are going to be a poverty-stricken generation when we retire.
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