I love you. I really do. I love you allllllll...

Sometimes my life feels a bit rubbish. But I've just been to Sanctus and I feel happy. There's something about sitting outside a pub cheering a man on a hydraulic platform (what were you doing, man? Cleaning windows? Stealing? Street theatre? We don't know) with friends which just makes life better. You people... you make me laugh, you make me feel special, you laugh at my jokes and you let me tell pointless and meandering stories badly.

Honestly, I'm gushing. I'm not saying anything I want to say and I'm not even saying things I don't want to say with any kind of finesse or style. But I just feel pleased to have friends I like and who seem to like me too. I want to run up to them and throw my arms around them and thank them for being my friends, for being amazing, for... I don't know what. However, I think that might frighten them.

So I think it's better that I just go to bed now. Goodnight.

four things I'd like to tell you

A good few days...

1. Cheesy dancing at Aqua. It's a bit of a dive but friendly. Added excitement when the night finished very suddenly at 1.30 due to a drugs raid.

2. A barbecue. The weather mostly held and lots of people came. I feel very special having so many people coming to celebrate my birthday.

3. Yesterday, my actual birthday, was a bit lame. I've developed an unpleasant cough/cold/sore throat/headache, so I was a bit too tired. I'm liking the feel of 27 so far though.

4. Results! I got 64% for the module I've done this term and 72% for the year-long module. So that makes my average something like 65%. Hopefully I should get a merit for the year and also about £500 back in tuition fees. And a sense of achievement - I think I've made the right decision in not doing any more studying, but now I also feel like a success.

Hurrah for me. cough cough.

Cheese-a-rama

I am tired because I got up at 6.15 this morning to go to Chester for a meeting. As it took 3 hours travel each way for one meeting I'm not sure how efficient it was. While I support the idea of public transport (and not just because I can't drive...) it doesn't feel very feasible for work. Tomorrow I'm going to Huddersfield and Leeds and will be out of the house for 12 hours - I have a couple of hours empty time in the middle) and on Friday I have to go to a conference in Ormskirk, for which I will be getting up at about 6.00 and be out of the house for 9 hours or so.

However, nothing can dampen my enthusiasm! This weekend it is my birthday and I will be 27! I'm very excited about this as I like odd numbers. 26 has not had much to recommend it so I'm happy to move on. To celebrate I am going out dancing on Friday night - we're meeting at the Knott Bar at 8 and then going somewhere to dance to cheesy music. Then on Saturday we are having a barbecue and I intend to have a big cake as well, to celebrate my birthday and finishing studying. Matt is going to make it for me. One year he made me a surprise birthday cake and I was very happy. This one is unsurprising but I hope will be equally pleasing.

If you would like to come post your email address and I'll send directions.

Any ideas for where we can find 80s cheese in Manchester?

Is it so much to ask that someone gives me a job?

I have been turned down for another job this week and it's getting a bit depressing - apart from anything else, there are other things I'd like to do on a Friday evening than write supporting statements for application forms.

I know that I am very talented and, if I was given a good job I could do it very well and be happy. After all, I'm a master of strategy, I have excellent communication skills, I'm enthusiastic and I'm funny. So why wouldn't anyone want me?

1. If your office was full of spiders you might get a bit tired of me being scared of them.
2. You might not be intereted in what I think about gender, how the economy would be better if everyone worked less and gardened more, or why people profiting from investing in property is unhelpful.
3. You might like having a big car and driving it around a lot.
4. You might not want to find me talking every time you come in the office (but honestly, it's a coincidence...)
5. You might just be really stupid.

Ok, I'm done. Back to the applications.

Must lose weight

Am spurred to lose weight and develop a very flat stomach. Have just been asked by a colleague if I'm pregnant.

No, just fat.

Tired and emotional

but not in the Greenbelt sense...

I am very tired - it's been a difficult week for various reasons (yes, I choose to take holiday from work to concide with life being rubbish) and I haven't slept very well due to the heat. So I am very tired and not looking forward to getting back to work on Tuesday.

I'm feeling a little disillusioned about finding a new job at the moment - I've applied for a few admin/events management jobs and have either not heard anything or been turned down (again this morning). A lot of jobs I'm interested in have asked for a full UK driving license, which is problematic beacuse I can't afford to learn until I get a full-time job, but can't get a full-time job I want without a driving license. Also, I don't really want to be a one-car family, never mind two cars.

I went to a careers fair on Wednesday which was helpful. I'm considering a career in social housing and spoke to a few different organisations. I think I'd like to work for a housing association, starting in a customer-facing role then working towards a career in regeneration. Lack of housing experience is not an insurmountable problem but my research suggests that I will, in the not-too-distant future, need to return to study to get professional qualifications. I bet you can imagine my joy at the thought of that!

I believe...

I have been having some 'issues' with faith over the past couple of years. As in I've stopped believing God exists.

I did this quiz and came out as a humanist. A few days later I got a free copy of New Humanist magazine through the post. So I thought maybe it was a sign that I should be a humanist. Then I realised that if I was one I wouldn't believe in signs. Back to where I started.

I was looking forward to being a humanist as well.