Greenbelt '07

I'm back from Greenbelt! This has definitely been my favourite Greenbelt ever – much better without a broken leg!

I work as a support steward. We start at 7 pm (ish) and finish at 3 am (ish). We help other stewarding teams when they need it, we wander round and talk to Greenbelters, we look for lost children, and do anything else we're asked to do to make Greenbelt a safe and pleasant place to be.

I love being part of the support team – we work together every year and meet up between Greenbelts so we do know each other well. It's a varied and interesting job, and more challenging than a lot of stewarding roles. Other stewards seem to appreciate us as we help them out with managing difficult situations and talk to them when they're bored on a gate somewhere. I feel like when I'm stewarding, I'm most like me, and most happy.

I've reflected a lot on what I like and don't like about my job this year. I like the first half of the evening best – we help out with venues and queues and talk to Greenbelters more. The second half seems to be more security-ish – looking for people who are trying to get into Greenbelt who shouldn't, or people who are causing trouble somewhere. I'm not so keen on it – partly because I have less experience of it and partly because I'm not sure what I'd do with people if I did catch them...

There were some highlights this year. I helped Venues stewards manage a huge queue for a small circus venue which was due to go in at the same time as a singing event in the organic beer tent was due to kick out – through the circus queue... I also helped to manage the queue for the Delirious signing – only 40 people or so turned up but it was fun anyway. And we went as a team to the Site Stewards' team briefing to heckle Stuart Traffic – I think we enjoyed it more than he did... Sanctus1, the church I'm part of, led the main communion service. I sat in the arena stage. We all released helium balloons – we all watched as ours rose into the sky, and then a second wave of balloons from main stare reminded us that, although we were at two venues with a different feel, we were still at once service. It was magical.

Greenbelt also sees me at my worst. I'm not a morning person. But when I'm woken up by a load of famillies going to a worship event after about 5 hours sleep, I can be a bit irritable. And sometimes, inadvisably, I might express that irritation. Equally, asking a 12-year-old if he was a horse because he was crossing the race track might not have been the best attempt at communication I have ever made (yes, we learnt about sarcasm at basic training. Yes, I've got my name down for re-training next year).

And at my drunkest. This year I discovered I like cider. Stories differ on how much I drunk, but I think it's fair to say that it was probably more than I should have had. At least I'm a happy drunk – between my morning irritability (“I hate you all”) and my drunken ramblings (“You do know that I love you, don't you?” - yes, I am embarrassed) I probably equate to a pleasant human being. I did fall off the pub bench of my own accord once, but I was definitely pushed the rest of the time... I have never been sick in a portaloo before and think I'm probably lucky I don't remember much about it. But I am definitely lucky to have to good friends I do who took me to the toilet, to my tent, put a duvet over me and stayed up to make sure I was ok. It's friends like these that make Greenbelt what it is.

Bastards!

I was mugged last night. Walking home from the station in the pouring rain, someone grabbed my arm. I screamed and felt my bag pulled out of my hand, so I turned round and saw a man running away with it. I shouted "stop thief!" (being, as I was, in a 1950s cop film) and chased him shouting "give me back my bag, you bastard!". He jumped in a car which was waiting with its engine running, and they drove away.

I am lucky: I wasn't hurt, they didn't get my keys or phone or my mp3 player. They took my purse so I've had to cancel my bank cards, and they've got a load of other useful and sentimentally valuable things. They've got a very nice bag. They've got my Manchester A-Z. They've taken the job application I was working on. And they've taken my sense of safety. I am fairly safety-conscious when walking about but it was a main-ish road and it wasn't that late or that dark. I'm not prepared to live in fear of crime, but I am quite shaken.

And having a bit of a bad week of it too. Last Wednesday I went out for drinks in Manchester with some friends. While walking to the bus stop a man tried to get me into his car - not by force but by claiming to be a taxi. Having been brought up to be aware of Stranger Danger, I said no, but I still felt intimidated on a dark and empty street but a man driving alongside me in a car. I told some police officers who said it is a bit problem. Unfortunately I couldn't remember the numberplate. But it makes me appreciate Nexus, which runs a night cafe offering coffee and safe, legal taxis.

I'm not saying Manchester is a dangerous place to live, just that some people are bastards.

Party party party!

We picked up our keys just after 3pm.

We now own a house.

The move was incredibly smooth. We are incredibly grateful to everyone who helped with lugging about heavy furniture and putting together stuff from IKEA, carrying things up into the attic, and waiting patiently while I deliberated over having the shelves in the lounge or the bedroom. I think you people may be relieved that now we've bought a house we won't be asking you to help us move again for a while...

We're mostly unpacked and life feels back to normal - last weekend we did no unpacking or house stuff at all - we did do a lot of drinking though! There are still quite a few things which need sorting out/moving/unpacking/putting up and some bits of painting and decorating. We've had a few problems (such as the bath overflow overflowing directly into the kitchen on ou first night...) and it turns out to be a bit scary being responsible for the house - there are times when a landlord is a wonderful thing - we had a few problems with our gas meter and boiler today and I didn't like having to sort it all out myself....

So we are having a housewarming party on Saturday 18th August from 4pm. It's going to be a barbecue. If you'd like to come, stick your email address in the comments section and I'll send you some details.

Waiting...

Due to complete today. I have been at work this morning and been on edge waiting for someone to ring me to tell me I can pick up the keys to my new house. It is now 1 o'clock and no-one has rung.

What if there is a problem? What if there is a bit of paper missing? What if the money hasn't come through?

So far our solicitor has been pretty good.

We have somewhere between six and eight people coming to help us move tomorrow. I need my keys NOW!*

Will be off-line for a bit until we get the internet set up in OUR NEW HOUSE...

*Do you ever get the sense from reading my blog that I might occasionally be a bit impatient?

A few tears

I have just put my beautiful wedding dress in a box to post it to the Oxfam bridal department in Bradford.

I got married on 27th July 2002. I have never felt or looked so beautiful in my life and I can't imagine I ever will again. And, to be honest, I don't think I really want to.

I never wanted to keep my wedding dress - it seems a waste for it to slowly decompose in a wardrobe or in my attic. It is so beautiful and special that someone else should get to wear it.

But...

Most charity shops have wedding dresses that were made in 1985 and look horrible. It's too beautiful to be in a shop with them.

I couldn't put it on e-bay because most wedding dresses there sell for about £50 and it is too precious and valuable to sell it for that little.

As we're moving again, this seems an ideal time to pass it on. So I'm giving it to Oxfam, who have a bridal department in Bradford. I like Oxfam - I like the variety and quality of the work they do - and their charity shops usually seem slightly nicer than most. And, as I'm posting it, I can imagine it is in a beautiful bridal department, with a whole host of other beautiful wedding dresses, in the company it deserves.

While I never wanted to keep it, I am sad to see it go. And yes, I did cry a little as I shut the lid.

Complete!

We have agreed to complete on the 20th! It looks like we could have done it a bit earlier if we wanted but two weeks for packing and organising everything seems like a good idea. I am VERY EXCITED.

So we should get the keys at lunchtime on the 20th and I'll take the afternoon off work (and try to avoid putting anything serious or complicated in my calendar for the morning. Then we can go and look at the house - and hope we still like it - and plan where to put all our furniture. Then on the 21st it will be the big move. If anyone would like to help lug boxes and carry shelves, we'd love to have you. I promise to do my best not to get injured in the next 15 days and also to remember that boxes full of books are VERY HEAVY.

Woo-hoo!

Our contracts have arrived in the post today! I've read everything through twice and everything seems ok. So now we have to sign everything, some signatures being witnessed, and post it back to our solicitor. Then the sellers have to sign some other things. Then we have to agree our moving date and give the solicitor the best part of £1000. And start putting things in boxes.

I am terrified.

Brenda RIP

My goldfish, Brenda, died today. She was just over 7. I feel a bit sad. I hope she's gone to the great fishbowl in the sky, where she can be re-united with Barry, who didn't live quite so long...

Watching, reading, listening

Watching... I just watched Brokeback Mountain. I think I would have got on better had I been able to understand what people were saying, if they didn't mumble all the time. I'm not sure what to take away from it: don't be gay in 1963; life is better if you go with the person that you love; it's better to have loved than just settle for second-best? I feel like there's something deeper but I can't put my finger on it - something about tragedy and hope - maybe it's because I have a chest infection, or maybe the film was just too damn deep for me.

Reading... The Night Watch by Sarah Waters. The first time I read it I had vivid dreams about being in a war. It is beautifully written and very clever, starting in 1947 (or something like that) and working backwards in 3 parts, and there are loads of things you pick up a hint of in an earlier (chronologicaaly later) section and then find out later. I'm trying to decide whether it stands a second reading when you already know what the twists are.

Listening... The first album I ever bought was So far, so good by Bran Adams, a 'best of' in the early-to-mid 90s. It was on tape, the tape went wobbly, a friend did me a copy, the copy went wobbly. I saw Anthology, a two disk* retrospective, and thought it might be a good replacement. Thank you, Mr Adams, all the old stuff, which is cheesy but good, is on the first disc** The newer stuff, which is cheesy in the worsst possible sense, is on the second disck. Saves trying to skip tracks while driving. However, as the first diskc is pretty much So Far, So Good, perhaps I would have been better just replacing my original album with a CD version...

* Or maybe it should be a 'c'.
**Or maybe it should be a 'k'. Who knows?

Really, how hard can it be?

Six weeks after I sent all the information, and a few days after the final mortgage offer was supposed to have been posted to us, the mortgage company ring up. We use an internet bank so the statements I posted in don't have our address on, so can't be used as proof of our address. Now, had they told me this six weeks ago and asked for alternative proof, I would have been happy. As they didn't, and I want my house NOW, I am pretty livid. They did apologise and accept it was their fault, so I haven't asked for anyone's liver to be posted to me in a box to appease my wrath. Yet.

Win-win-ish

I have an interview for a job on Friday. It's a temporary housing officer job in central Manchester. I'd like it because:

• It's more responsibility and a definite career progression
• It's more money
• I would get to do rent arrears and lettings as well as tenancy issues, which would be very interesting

I'm not sure about it because:

• I'd be leaving a permanent post for an up-to-12-months post. Housing is a fairly buyant sector, but I am enjoying my new-found job security!
• I'd like to start doing my professional qualifications, but I can't see the new company paying for that when I'd only be there 12 months or so
• I really like the people I work with. Working with good people is not something to take lightly
• We'd have to buy another car which we can't really afford

I wouldn't want you to think I can't make decisions on my own, but I would be interested in what you think.

Bored of...

I got bored of being spiderman.

In fact, I am bored of lots of things...

I am bored of being tired. I am exceptionally tired at the moment - stress over house-buying, lack of sleep, not enough vegetables.

I am also getting bored of house-buying now. It is just taking forever. However, I suspect we might suddenly have a conveyancing explosion and find ourselves living in a new house one day. It's just a case of waiting for lots of bits of paper from lots of people.

That's it really. Not too much excitement.

Apart from realising my best friend is leaving the country FOREVER (well, 3 years) in two weeks rather than the... um... few months it's been in my head for the past few months. I'm really pleased that she is going to do something really exciting that she wants to do. I just wish she was doing it in the same country as me. Sob sob.

Guess I'll get sued to it...

I Am Spiderman!

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 80% Superman 65% Supergirl 62% Wonder Woman 62% Iron Man 55% Robin 52% Batman 50% The Flash 35% Green Lantern 35% Hulk 30% Catwoman 10%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

She shoots! She scores! Or something...

I have been playing netball. Not as cheerfully as these people, I have to admit.




I did want to play football again but I haven't really managed to find a team and some people at work play netball so I've joined it.

It does seem to be more fun fifteen years on. But I can tell you, it's not football. Or cricket, for that matter.

1. It's a non-contact sport. Really. If you just bump into the person who has the ball, someone blows a whistle at you. This is bad. It wasn't my fault she fell over...

2. Everyone has their own little bit of the pitch to play in. No all chasing after the ball.

3. When someone has the ball, you have to be 3' away from them. Seriously. Or someone blows a whistle at you.

4. The minute you have the ball, you can't move the first foot that touches the ground. If you do, guess what? Someone blows a whistle at you.

5. People don't shout for the ball. Or talk to each other. At all. So I'm running round shouting "behind you! behind you! Pass it back". Everyone else is doing little hand-signals and mind-communication.

I think I'll get the hang of it one day. Maybe.


I can also tell you that the vendors have accepted our lower offer and we're getting some house reports done, so it looks like we might just be buying a house. Maybe, just maybe...

TRAUMA!!!!!!!

(For those of you thinking 'when will she shut up? Everyone buys a house, it's not such a big deal', it's probably best to look away now - and come back in about 6 months)

The survey said that there was some bulging and cracking of the masonry due to old settlement of the building and thermal or moisture problems, which is not considered to be significant. Apparently a lot of insurance companies do consider this to be significant. Which means we get driected to the 'special risk' departments. One insurance company also said we're in a 'moderate subsidence' area. This could mean higher premiums, expensive work to do and difficulty selling in the future.

The surveyor also said that the rear wall had been rebuilt in cavity brick. My dad said that you don't just rebuild a wall in cavity brick for the sake of cavity brick, so it seems a bit suspicious. My parents think that we should walk away, as we don't have any money to chuck at a house.

I think I love the house.

I feel traumatised.

Decisions, decisions and... more decisions!

We got our survey back yesterday. It made me feel quite anxious - a big list of urgent things and things which could cause problems and things which we should get investigated further... I am repeatedly assured by most people that surveyors have to tell you everything that could possibly go wrong, to avoid us suing their ass later. I don't find this helpful - I'd rather know what is a real issue and what I should worry about, and what is just pretty normal.

The main issue (apart from the whole house needing repointing and the absolute necessity of a building contractor taking up all the floorboard. Apparently) is that the valuation of the house is about £6000 less than our offer. I assume the mortgage company will only lend us the valuation. So either the vendor will have to accept the lower offer, or we'll have to find a new house and they'll have to find a new buyer. I can't imagine they'll be that keen to go through all the viewings and offer stage again, especially as the next surveyor will presumably say the same thing.

As long as I'm right, it means we'll save money on our mortgage...

Decisions, decisions

This house-buying malarkey seems to require a lot of decision-making. And I mean beyond "how much can we afford?" and "shall we buy this house?".

Choosing a solicitor was frightening enough. Then the solicitor asked us to decide whether we wanted to own the house completely jointly or own a specific share. Not too tricky as our relationship is fairly straightforward - no children from previous marriages or different amounts of capital.

And now we have to think about mortgage protection - should we pay a reasonably large amount of money for peace of mind, or face being evicted on the off-chance that something terrible happens?

This whole business seems to be about looking for the worst possible situation and assuming it could happen.

Cheerful, eh?

Skyelanders

We went to the Isle of Skye to visit my in-laws, who run Luib House bed and breakfast. Apart from taking 10 hours to get to (and a small 'crying in a car park' incident because I got a bit tired to drive) it's lovely. Look at the view!



We went to the beach:



And saw beach sea-life!


And there's a forest too!


But we're glad to be home...

And getting excited about house-buying - this week we've instructed the surveyor to go and check out our house!

Be the change...

Sanctus1 and Be The Change presents the Change the Dream Symposium



Where on Earth are we going?And what can we do about it?These are two of the questions that lie at the heart of Change the Dream. It explores the link between three of humanity’s most critical concerns: environmental sustainability, social justice and spiritual fulfillment.Using video clips from some of the world’s most respected thinkers, inspiring short films, and leading edge information on the state of the planet and its people, the day allows all of us to gain a new insight into the opportunity we have to shape the direction of our world with our everyday choices and actions.

Monday 7 May (bank holiday), 10.00 - 4.30
Nexus, Dale St., Manchester, M1 1JW
0161 236 0100
Cost: £10 (£5 unwaged) - any profits will be donated to suitable charities.Fairtrade tea/ coffee provided. Lunch not included – bring or buy your own.

For bookings and info, please email bethechange@sanctus1.co.uk

Offer accepted!

So, we went out to look at houses again yesterday, to make sure we really did want to buy the house next door.

First house - on the street round the corner - lots of space upstairs but it felt like a family house - the people selling it were our parents' age and it just didn't feel like what we wanted.

Second house - two doors down from the first house. And we loved it... See the link above and download the brochure to see photos. It's beautiful! It just felt like a good house to be in. The cellar is nice. The attic is nice. The only real downside is the bathroom has no shower and no window. The first one can be easily rectified, the second one lived with. We realised we wanted this house.

Third house - the house next door - I'd expected to go and be wowed again and measure a few things and then put in an offer. Instead, we felt very embarrassed going to have a second look, the sort of second look you have when you're planning on putting an offer in, at a house we now didn't really want. And it wasn't as nice as we'd remembered.

Fourth house - we were very embarrassed here as we only went to see if to get a price comparison for the house next door. Really, we were using the owner, and now we were using him to further plans we now didn't plan to carry out. We were in and out in 4 minutes.

Then we went home, talked about it and decided to put an offer in on the second house. I had a fairly sleepless night and then spent about two hours this morning trying to get the estate agent to answer my phone and accept my offer. In the end, I walked round to the estate agent. They can ignore the phone ringing, but not me sitting there. The receptionist took my details and put the offer to the vendor, who accepted it, and then took it off the market. An estate agent is going to ring on Monday morning to sort out where we go next.

So, we've had an offer accepted! I'd feel more excited if there wasn't so much work to do! I now need to find a solicitor and apply for a mortgage. I can't send off my mortgage application without the solicitor's details, as far as I can tell. I've never employed a solicitor before. My sister is having a nightmare 7-month house purchase because her solicitor is rubbish and I'd like to avoid that... I'd like to get mortgage advice from a broker for choice. No-one works at the weekend and we go on holiday on Wednesday. Feeling a little stressed. So I'm going to go and look at pictures of my beautiful house again and think about where I'll put my furniture...

I am loving Facebook!

Over the past week or so I've been enjoying doing Facebook. It is another social networking site, but I really quite like it. Add someone as your friend and then anything they do shows up on your profile. So if they make friends with someone you know, you can then ask that person to be your friend. Suddenly I have lots of friends I'd forgotten I had. It's very affirming.

You can find me with my email address, which is sarahstuart25 [at ] googlemail.com. And be my friend...

Very exciting!

I saw some monkeys with my brother and sisters on Monday.

I'm going to be on a radio show that my friend Fat Roland is doing.

And on Saturday we're going to look at this, this and this house and also this house which is, conveniently, right next door.

Hadfield is pretty and I would love to be in the countryside. But I really love being able to walk to work. Not so much when it's raining, to be honest. But now spring is here, it's really quite pleasant.

See how I have remembered that blogging is about "stuff I've found on the internet", not "make a dull list of everything I've done in the past fortnight, cunningly in reverse order"?

I have been quite busy recently, but really I haven't been blogging because I don't have much to say...

I decided not to apply for the job I was thinking about due to the commute, but am keeping an eye out for things closer to home. Work has been going ok and I do love what I do, but am still frustrated by the person I work with and wanting to have much more responsibility. We'll see.

Matt and I went to Tintwistle and Hadfield yesterday to assess their suitability as places to buy houses in. I have been talking about buying a house for about 4 years, but it does feel like we're finally getting to a position where it's financially viable.

I went to a beautiful wedding on Saturday - friends from Sanctus 1 - the service was a mixture of traditional and new stuff, the reception was a lot of fun - and we even managed to arrive on time!

On Friday night (I appear to be going backwards in time here...) it was my dad's 55th birthday and semi-retirement do. My family managed to behave quite respectably and it was a lot of fun, particularly seeing my brother and sisters and brother-in-law again. I am very proud of my dad and sad that he's leaving the fire-brigade - there aren't many jobs as cool as that for a dad to do!

And hasn't it been lovely weather! It does feel spring-ish. Which I like.

Matt and I went to York last weekend and had a good time - visited lots of museums, walked for miles, ate good food. I am going to try to make sure we go on holiday a little more often than we have done up to now.

Moving on?

I'm considering applying for a new job.

I love my job. I work with lots of people I really like. I like the company I work for. I can walk to work from my house. The job I am thinking of applying for is about 35 miles of vile commuting away. What am I thinking of???

Well, I'm happiest doing my job when the person I work with is away and I'm in charge. I really want my own area of houses to manage. And the trouble is that my company is pretty stagnant. You have to wait for someone to get pregnant to get a promotion. There's nowhere for anyone to go and no-one want to leave because it's such a good place to work. And there are so many people who are more experienced than me doing the same job as me. So I could have quite a wait.

It also pays about £7,000 a year more. This is an attraction, I will admit. I think that for what I'm expected to do (inspect fences, advise on welfare benefits, decide whether trees are dangerous, resolve neighbour disputes, understand and apply a myriad of policies and procedures, explain tenancy agreements) I am pretty badly paid - I could get the same money doing an admin job in a university.

Like I said, I love my job - pretty much everything about it. But I am ambitious and I want to do bigger things and have more responsibility. Do you think six months is a bit too early to think about moving on?

Things I have learnt by driving

1. I have realised that the world is scuppered. Really, no-one is going to give up their car. Really. Car=freedom. I can go anywhere and, by extension, do anything.
2. Join Fat Roland's's F1 Losers League now. Put together the worst ever Formula 1 team and you could win some money. And, more to the point, the respect of the motoring world. Yes, even Jeremy Clarkson. I won last year. Science has not yet explained how.
3. I drove to Sheffield this weekend, there over the Woodhead Pass and back over he Snake Pass. Neither were as scary as getting lost in Sheffield's steep, narrow, crowded back streets. I now have an A-Z of Sheffield.
4. Some people are -insert choice expletive-. Today, I was driving home. I got to a narrow bridge where I have to give way to oncoming traffic. I thought I'd seen someone coming so waited. No-one appeared so I started going over the hill. Mr Dickhead starts speeding over the bridge towards me. I stop and start getting ready to reverse. He starts flashing his headlights at me and then, when I don't move quickly enough for him, starts giving me the 'wanker' hand signal. Instead of turning my engine off, getting out and punching him, I reversed out of his way. Next time he might not be so lucky.
5. Driving makes me swear more.

Guess what?

I passed! I set the car alarm off when getting into the car, and had no idea how to turn it off. And I did a three-point turn, reverse round a corner and stall at a roundabout. I amassed 6 faults, which I'm impressed by - the average is 10 and the fail mark is 16. So I'm really pleased with myself. And now I have to go and drive by myself... I am a legal driver!

D-day

I have my driving test tomorrow at 13.03. I have been feeling a bit stressed and irritable for the past week (poor Matt) but not too worried. TodayI've been developing butterflies in my stomach. I know I'm a good enough driver to pass my test and I know I can do my manoeuvres. The question is whether I will pull it off tomorrow.

I appear to have told everyone I know about doing my test and the support has been really nice. And I'm not really bothered about failing - hey, I'm 27, I've failed things before and I've passed things before. It's not that big a deal.

I just can't be arsed with having to take more lessons, rebook my test and try again. I want to pass so it's done, I can drive and can have my Saturdays back.

I'll keep you posted

I'm not dead

You'd be forgiven for thinking that I might be though, given the length of time I've been in the 6th level of hell on this blog... It's a combination of being too tired to think of anything to say and feeling too boring to have anything worth saying. Which is a bit sad.

I have been busy. Work has been incredibly tiring and stressful. The aftermath of having problems with a colleague is a not-so-happy working relationship but nothing I can do anything about except persevere and keep my head down.

Soundcheck (too tired to link to www.speak.org.uk) is next weekend. I'm organising the stewarding and it should be much easier than previous years (just one venue - all my Sundays come at once!) but I'm so unprepared!

I have my driving test on 7th March. I'm good enough to pass, but it all comes down to how I do on the day itself. It's not so much of a big deal -I'm not 17 and I've passed things before and I've failed things before, but it would be nice not to have lessons any more! I drove to Rotherham over the Woodhead Pass in the daylight (got stuck behind a slow van pulling another van, so not so much speediness) and in the dark (terrifying!) and did well and then did a hideous stall in the middle of a junction just before the bottom of my street.

And quite a few nights out drinking, which were fun...

That's all...

Oh dear...

Looks like it's all going to be bad for me...

the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Oh well. Work's a bit hellish at the moment, so I should be used to it by then...

Life is good...

... and here's why

1. E.R. is back. They have changed the theme music, which is, quite frankly, unacceptable, and I'm regretting missing the last season due to lack of tv licence. Really regretting it. But it makes me happy to watch it. A little bit of trauma is a good thing.
2. I'm watching the O.C. again. I'm catching up on all of last year's season and trying to avoid trailers for the current season. A little teenage angst is a good thing, and no-one does teenage angst as classily as the O.C.
3. We've moved to Smile. Ethical banking online. I can log onto my account whenever I want and pretend I might need to do something. I love being in charge of our money as well. Also, they gave me a credit card with a limit which would provide the deposit for a small house. And then a second card with an identical limit. I could buy half a studio flat in Newton Heath on my credit cards.
4. One day soon we will be homeowners. We've rearranged our banking in order to facilitate saving up to buy a house. I am now desperate to buy a house, and it's good to feel like we're moving closer to that.
5. I have been in charge at work for the past couple of weeks. It's been challenging learning to work with a new person at work. With my previous person we both did everything and chaotically somehow managed. It was a lot of fun. The person I work with now has defined and hierarchical ideas of who does what. But they've been off work on holiday and then ill. I really love being in charge and getting on with doing my own thing. It's made me realise how much I love my job. I desperately want to be promoted and have my own patch.
6. My tenants love me. One of my tenants, anyway. I solved a problem and she went into the shop to thank me and now it will go in the internal company newsletter. I feel stupidly happy.

I started blogging thinking I would write about the solutions I've discovered for the world's problems. Now I find myself blogging about how much I love watching tv. Life doesn't turn out the way I expect all the time. But I am happy and that's important.

Music from the crunchie advert

I'm so excited...

about 2007. Waving goodbye to 2006, it was definitely a game of two halves. Half one (January to July - a special sort of half) involved hating my MA, ditching my MA and desperately trying to come up with a new career, wanting to move house and breaking my leg. Half two involved getting a new job which I have mostly loved, moving into a spectacularly beautiful house (without being able to do any of the work), buying gerbils and beginning to learn to drive. Half two was slightly tarnished by being unable to walk very well for a large part of it, but even I know I can't have everything.

2007 should be a bit more peaceful apart from taking my driving test, hopefully buying a house and my best friend moving to Indonesia. I'm feeling quite enthusiastic about most things at the moment (apart from getting up three hours earlier than any day for the past 10 days to return to work this morning) so at least the year has started well...

Five things...

I am very excited about being tagged by Fat Roland - it makes me feel very important. Thinking of five things which people are unlikely to know about me but likely to want to know is a bit difficult but I'll give it a go...

1. Marmite may have saved my life: I did a gap year in Uganda in 1997-98 and was not very happy or very well. I had malaria twice and dysentry for the best part of 10 months and screaming nightmares most nights. We spent three months living in little villages in north Uganda where people don't always wear clothes. But I was quite ill - I spent a lot of the time lying on my 'bed' except for when I had to crawl to the pit latrine. So they sent me back to civilisation where I felt ill and didn't want to eat anything but Marmite on toast. An expat very kindly made the necessary sacrifices and voila, I am still alive.

2. I haven't played original Monopoly for 5 or 6 years: I realised that I was too competetive and only nejoyed playing if I was winning and even then felt very tense because I might stop winning, so it was no fun for me or for anyone else. I made a New Year's resolution not to play any more and am much happier. I have played Muppet monopoly and I believe I might even have won - but if you aren't fighting for Mayfair and Park Lane, it just isn't the same...

3. I have recently learnt to enjoy shopping: I used to hate it but now, finally, we have enough money that it doesn't have to be the perfect jumper, beacuse I can buy another one if I want to. And it's not a choice between clothes and food any more so I don't feel guilty. I still hate the crowds but the decision-making is much less stressful.

4. I don't like buttons. I don't know why. But I don't like clothes with them on, I don't like seeing them on other people's clothes and I don't like reading or saying the word. I do have two shirts which have them on, which I'm not particularly happy about, but I won't buy anything which has decorative ones or fancy or oversized ones. I also don't buy cardigans or big winter coats due to nearly always having them on. I don't remember anything traumatic in my childhood which could cause this dislike. It's just a bit weird.

5. I passed my driving theory test yesterday so am now theoretically safe to drive. Next week - three point turns!

So, I tag Rexor, Tony, Jolan, Em and Sheepy. Go go go!

Edit: I changed no. 4 from something about my family to something a bit more interesting.

Feeling less than human...

There are some things which irritate me about blogs.

1. Being asked to prove I'm human by trying to decipher illegible, slanty words in a wiggly blurry font. Ben's blog puts it like this:

"Not a spammer? You can post your comment by proving that you're a human below."

I know spam is bad. I've had spam on my blog. I just can't always tell the difference between the letters...

2. People referring to other people by just their initial. Again, I know there are good reasons for this. And I have been picked up on my blog before for using people's names when they'd rather I didn't. But names are nice. And if I know who you are, and I know who you're referring to, I would like it if you used their whole name.

What do you mean, you don't actually blog entirely for my benefit? How does that work, eh?

Maybe I'm just a bit irritable today.

Is blogging about bloggin a bit like reading the media supplement in the Guardian?

Baby, it's cold outside

We have bought a big new fridge with a whole freezer compartment, to use rather than the under-the-counter fridge with icebox we've used up til now. This is much better but not as wildly exciting as I had imagined it would be. Maybe I'm just not one of life's natural consumers.

Because of this (the new fridge, not the state of being a consumer - or not) I cleaned out the old one. I really like doing this every once in a while. Not as much as having a lie in, for example, but it involved spilling water across the whole floor and putting bowls of hot water in the freezer to defrost it. It's just a bit messy.

I have another driving lesson tomorrow and my theory test next Friday. I'm fairly confident as I can answer most of the questions i the book of questions and one of the ones I can't usually answer is about towing caravans, which doesn't feel like vital knowledge to non-caravan-towing me. Last week I did driving in the dark at rush hour and, as I survived (despite the best effort of driver-turning-right-in-front-of-me-without-indicating), I feel quite competent and it did push me, so it was quite good. Think I'll be doing roundabouts tomorrow.

Also tomorrow is Sanctus's Christmas Ceilidh which I have helped to organise. I have a lovely new skirt for this (there's some words my mother probably would never have expected to hear from me when I was growing up) but I'm not expecting to do too much dancing. After a wedding and a christmas do involving dancing, both with ankle-pain afterwards, I think I'll be semi-sensible.

Blogger are offering a new Beta Blogger system. Doesn't look too different except you sign in with a googlemail address (which I have) and can have a private blog. Anyone have any thoughts on this?

Here ends the world's longest blog post ever...

Well, it IS Christmas

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Always wrapping paper. I love wrapping presents! Sometimes more successfully than others, but I really enjoy doing it.

2. Real tree or artificial? I love real Christmas trees. The smell is the thing. When I was younger I used to make my Mum buy ones which were quite clearly too big for the living room. Sadly, Matt isn't game for cutting the top off the tree. So we just get one that fits.

3. When do you put up the tree? Once it's December and we have an opportunity to get one.

4. When do you take the tree down? As late as I can get away with. Preferable before it's really dead.

5. Do you like eggnog? No. My favourite Christmas drink is spiced hot apple juice. It's apple juice with cloves and cinnamon in, heated up. I'm always happy to drink vodka and coke as well...

6. Do you have a nativity scene? No.

7. Mail or email Christmas cards? Post every time. I have actually written all of them. They're waiting for Matt to sign them so they can be posted next weekend. Last year we left it so late that they probably arrived after Christmas, if at all. Sorry about that!

8. Favorite Christmas Movie? I used to love Digby the Biggest Dog in the World. But they don't show it any more. I always cry at ET too. Not really Christmassy but I do like them.

9. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Chocolate. Especially Christmas tree chocolates earlier than Christmas Day because we were never allowed to at home.

10. Clear lights or coloured on the tree? Clear

11. Favorite Christmas song? I don't really have one.

12. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I like having Christmas at home. This year most of my family are coming for Christmas Day and I'm excited/nervous. Matt was asked to swap his Christmas night shift for someone else's Christmas Eve shift so I am very happy to have my husband at home for the whole of Christmas day. Though he'll be asleep in the morning.

13. Angel on the tree top or a star? We don't actually have either but I'd like a star.

14. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Opening stockings on Christmas morning and then the rest of the presents after lunch.

15. Most annoying thing about this time of year? It's so cold and dark...

16. Favourite for Christmas dinner? Turkey is traditional. One year I helped at a lunch for lonely old people and had my Christmas dinner later than everyone else, and I had a turkey sandwich, which I liked very much. Christmassy without the fuss.

Thanks to Mary Beth for this...

Christmas doings

Last night was the work Christmas do, which I was really quite nervous about. I've never been to proper one before due to not having worked anywhere that had them. It was a nearly entirely enjoyable evening - a couple of people snogging people who weren't the people they were going out with and a few of those 'who can I find to talk to so I don't look like I have no friends?' moments. It was my first time in footwear other than steal-toe-capped safety boots since my leg came out of plaster, which was brilliant but now launches me back into the world of havig to make decisions about shoes. I danced a lot and re-discovered that I just can't dance with other people. It involves too much co-ordination and working out what the other person is goig to do and what they expect you to do. But I had a lot of fun dancing with people anyway. And I only fell over once.

Managed to resist the pressure to drink too much ("I have a driving lesson tomorrow") and go out in Staly Vega afterwards ("I have a drinving lesson tomorrow") and it was very nice to come home to my lovely husband and my nice warm bed.

Man-flu crosses gender boundaries

I am ill.

I really am.

But probably not as ill as I think I feel.

I have a cold. I feel rubbish. My throat hurts. I feel quite pathetic and self-pitying. I have spent most of the weekend lying on the sofa telling Matt that I think I'm going to die.

This is man-flu. I am not a man.

Flash! A-aah!

A few weeks ago we looked after **i* and R***'s gerbils while they were in Canadia. They wre pretty annoying - they'd always make scrabbling noises in the corner of their tank while we were trying to watch tv - and it's pretty disconcerting to hear funny noises in the house when you know you're the only peron in it.

But once they'd gone, we missed them. And they were pretty cute. So on Monday we went out and bought some gerbils of our own. Matt's is black and is called Scamp. Mine is black and white and is called Flash. And is quite clearly much cuter.

Sadly, however, they do not seem to like us very much. They hide in their play tunnel and only come out when we're not looking. This makes me quite sad. I hope eventually they get used to us and want to be friends with us...

Driving in my car

When I was 17 I had driving lessons for about 9 months, which seemed to be largely successful. On my instructor's suggestion I put in for my test. Then he retired on medical grounds and I tried two other driving instructors who said that there was no way I was taking the test in their car because I was too dangerous.

I had about 6 lessons in my second year of uni but did't get any further than that.

Yesterday I had my first driving lesson for my third attempt - hopefully this time I will get to taking a test! I would like to be able to drivie so that I can get promoted at work, contribute to the annual drive to Skye with Matt and Hil and argue with Matt about who gets to drink.

It was a bit scary trying to do things like get out of junctions. I had a hairy moment when I realised the road wasn't going where I expected it to, turned, turned back, panicked and stopped in the middle of a junction. But mostly I think I did quite well. Lots to work on, but I think that for a first go, I did pretty well.

Meatloaf and happiness

I have just added a few more albums to my mp3 player and now it is full! I bought two cds last week - Crazy Itch Radio by Basement Jaxx, because I really like 'take me back to your house' and I knew that if I didn't really like the rest of it Matt would - and The Best of Meatloaf. I don't have a senes of shame, exactly, about buying a Meatload CD but I am aware that it's not necessarily quality music. It's quite sentimental and his gender politics aren't always spot on but it takes me back to being 14. My best friend's mum was a hippy and we used to listen to Meatloaf and the Eagles and I was occasionally happy.

Unlike now, when I radiate unspeakable amounts of happiness to the point where people can't bear to ask me how I am. Well, nearly. But I think that I'm only ever really into one thing at a time and currently it's my job. I do like coming home and seeing Matt but I spend a lot of the evening thinking about my tenants and how to make them happier. I don't want to turn into someone who has no life outside work. But there's so much to get my teeth into and I think I can have a real positive impact on my tenants' lives - I just find it really exciting.

Dinner a deux

Matt and I went out for dinner tonight. It was really lovely - we discovered an Italian restaurant a few hundred metres from our house, where we ate too much. We haven't been out just us really since I broke my leg - to tiring/complicated/painful/busy moving house/whoops ran out of money etc. And do you know what, I think we should do it again.

Work is still busy. Andy, who I currently work with, is ending his secondment early. This has big implications for me. I love working with Andy as it's a lot of fun and I'm learning a lot. Currently I have no idea where they're going to get a replacement from or when or whether I will like them much. Andy is very good at encouraging me to do loads of things and get good experience, so I hope whoever replaces him also does that. I have been promised that he will be replaced - I hope there isn't a big gap.

Have been upsetting some tenants and meeting some less-than-pleasing tenants. Being effective at getting things done and apologising to tenants for the things which should be done but aren't. Discovering that until you have to actually find solutions to anti-social behaviour problems you have very little idea how difficult they are to resolve. I still like it but in a less shiny way.

IKEA offeres hotdog reassurance

Ashton-under-Lyne, in Tameside, was plunged into disarray today after hundreds of residents and workers got up up to 3 hours early to beat 'chaotic' traffic anticipated with the opening of the new IKEA. However, they were shocked when this additional traffic did not materialise. Reports suggest that this is due to IKEA offering no free sofas for people to fight over.

Once police officer, who preferred to remain anonymous, complained, “I feel cheated. We were promised chaos, but I spent all day watching empty, coned-off traffic lanes and feeling stupid.”

Reports confirm that IKEA Ashton is still offering the world-famous 'IKEA hotdog'. At 50 pence, however, it is more expensive that almost half of IKEA's stock.

Things I like, things I don't like

I've been left alone at work - Andy, my Neighbourhood Management Officer, is off for nearly two weeks. Today, the first day, I turn up to work to discover a tenant has set her kitchen on fire. My suspicion is that Andy did it just to make life more challenging.

I also have a child protection conference to attend on Tuesday. This is the only thing in my job which I haven't enjoyed. Some bits are not very exciting, some even border on dull (copy this information onto this form - why, that sounds delightful) but most of it I like.

I'm finding antisocial behaviour (ASB) work very interesting. Aside from the opportunity to nose into people's lives - it's legitimised gossip - I'm really interested in how we as a housing association deal with ASB and how it should be dealt with from a societal point of view.

We're different from a lot of agencies - social workers, family support, drug and alcohol abuse workers - in that we look at people on a societal level. While a lot of agencies seem to focus on the family and support and understnd their behaviour, we look at how their behaviour affects the wider community. This appears to produce some tensions.

This has made me think again about the Declaration of Children's Rights. This states, among other things, that adults should always do what is best for children. I have a real issue with this. It's not always possible or desirable to protect a child's best interests. For example, one tenant makes other people's lives a nightmare, making them keep their children indoors all the time. This tenant has children and, while evicting them would not be in their best interests, in might be in the best interests of other children and other (non-child) tenants. I think children should be protected and cared for by society, but not necessarily prioritised all the time.

Today a large spider fell from the ceiling onto my leg. This resulted in high-pitched screaming and spidercide. Spider-season is upon us and I am not happy.

This stuff is lethal...

In my ongoing search for alcohol that tastes nice, may I present Quinns, for which I can't find a good web link? Honestly, this stuff is lethal. It tastes pretty much like fruit juice but is 4% proof. Half way through my first bottle and I'd pretty much forgotten I should be drinking it slowly...

In other news, I've been to the Isle of Skye to visit my mother in law. She runs a bed and breakfast which I can highly recommend. And it's so beautiful up there! Best to go in season in my opinion. We're glad to be back in civilisation, and in our own house again.

I'm lovin' it...

Yes, I still love my job! I've been doing it for two weeks and it feels like longer. This afternoon I was the only person from my team in, so I was suddenly very busy. Slightly scary trying to make decisions about what's important, but there were other people who helped me. And I loved it! I wish I wasn't so tired all the time, but once I can walk/cook again I'll try to eat more vegetables and exercise more. I promise...

And I'm now able to do short distances with once crutch and occasional very short distances with no crutch. Aren't I clever!

And for the geeks among you - looks like Matt's had his WoW account stolen and he's very sad.

Guess what I can see?

My leg! It's out of plaster! It's not pleasant to look at - hairy, swollen, slightly manky... and it's quite tender - but I'm pleased to have it back. Not so pleased to have to learn to walk on it again, but I was so sick of being in plaster and on crutches. Probably another 3 weeks on crutches and 8 weeks until it's properly better.

Only break your ankle if you (and partner/friends/family) are prepared for 4 months of inconvenience.

Employee-ing

Greenbelt was a mixed experience. Some fits of rage at not being able to steward, a bit of self-pity at how hard it is to get across soil-based, rain-sodden ground and lots of getting wet. However, once I'd come to terms with the fact that this was not going to be my best Greenbelt ever, I mostly enjoyed it. Lots of hanging out with friends, seeing my stewarding team, I saw a spiritual director to discuss my faith-future. I got my plaster damp and now I have a new purple fibreglass one, I sat in the sunshine with my friends listening to good music at Greenbelt - bliss - and I realised what fantastic friends I have! Putting my tent up and down, taking me to hospital and just looking after me and helping me and walking me to my tent in the middle of the night in a downpour - you know who you are.

And now I've started my new job. Very tired! Two days of induction - meeting people and finding stuff out. It's almost overwhelming. I like the people and I think I'll like the job. Seems like a good company to work for. And while, on the one had, it's a bit rubbish not to be able to do my job straight away, being on crutches makes me memorable and is a good conversation-starter. And this seems to be a place where a football injury is quite respectable!

But I tell you what - full-time work seems quite unreasonable!

waiting

Just to let you know that we don't have internet access at the moment so I probably won't be posting (or checking emails) until after the Bank Holiday, when I come home from Greenbelt.

Not that I have much to write about anyway. I sit on my sofa and try to while away the time doing something... Having a broken ankle is not hte most fascinating way to spend a couple of months!!!

I'm looking forward to Greenbelt. Slightly nervous about camping while on crutches but I think my friends will look after me!

Ceasefire Campaign

This is taken from the Ceasefire Campaign website. I've signed it and I hope you will too. However, I'm aware that it's easy for the situation in Lebanon to become the latest media frenzy, forgetting Afghanistan and Iraq. The world feels like a messy place at the moment.

Right now a tragedy is unfolding in the Middle East. Thousands of innocent civilians have been killed or wounded in the bombings in Lebanon, Palestine and Israel and the death toll is rising every day. If the US, Syria or Iran get involved, there is a chance of a catastrophic larger war. UN Secretary General Kofi Annan has called for an immediate ceasefire and the deployment of international troops to the Israel-Lebanon border, and been strongly supported by almost every world leader. This is the best proposal yet to stop the violence, but the US, the UK, and Israel have refused to accept it. I have just signed a petition calling on US President Bush, UK Prime Minister Blair, and Israeli Prime Minister Olmert to support Kofi Annan's proposal. If millions of people join this call, and we advertise our views in newspapers in the US, UK, and Israel, we can help pressure these leaders to stop the fighting. Please go to Ceasefire Campaign and sign up now!

Wannadon't

It now looks like we're really moving house. The kitchen is packed into boxes and our boiler and fridge look really white now that all the fridge magnets are packed. Similarly, the lounge is full of boxes and the shelves are empty. The study is half-packed and the nasty wardrobes in the bedroom ar destroyed. Oh, and the bedroom is full of boxes as well. It's quite exciting thought the broken ankle is quite inconvenient. We're moving to rent a house in Ashton, but hoping to save money to buy a house in Glossop. And last night I dreamt about living in Glossop. So it feels like we're on the way.

Yesterday Matt and I rang up all the people you ring to tell you're moving (phone, electricity, water etc), which were all fine. Until we got to broadband. We're with Orange, formerly Wanadoo. I realise I am not aware of the complexities of setting up broadband, but is it reasonable to be made to wait 15 working days (yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's 3 weeks) to have broadband in your new house? I don't think so. Stuck at home, as I currently am, I do not intend to be cut off from email and other forms of online entertainment for 3 weeks. Any suggestions of a good ISP? We don't download much but we do use the internet a lot.

Over the moon!

I'm going to Greenbelt!!!

I haven't quite bought my ticket* but Matt and I have decided we can afford it, and Liz helped me to arrange some camping space in Disabled Groups camping, which is close to the festival village rather than a mile away (or something like that. It's a long way anyway) and my ankle is much better than it was, which gives me some hope that it will be ok enough by Greenbelt. And a kind friend is going to take my tent down early and put it up somewhere good.

I wish it were possible to tell you all how happy I am to be going. Greenbelt is my favourite thing all year and the place I feel most like me. Most people I know go and I see them all as I wander across the site. People have interesting discussions about things and there's tents and I get to sit in the sun and hang out with my friends. This year I won't get to indulge my passion for queue management but it will be interesting to see what it's like as a punter. In celebration, here is my favourite moon-related Weebl and Bob cartoon.

*Due to finance juggling, I am going to put it on my credit card and pay for it with my full-time-job-wages but I want to get it after the credit card statement for last month arrives. Or something.

I want one...

...of these.

I'm still dithering about Greenbelt. Maybe I could go. Just maybe...

Updating

A bit of an update:

1. I got the job! And not only that - I got the permanent job rather than one of the three temporary ones. So obviously they liked me! I'm very excited. I'm hoping to start after the Bank Holiday.

2. I went and had the backslab plaster taken off and my ankle re-x-rayed. Still broken. It's now in a full plaster which you can write on if you like and are in Manchester. No weight-bearing for four weeks, after which I go back and am x-rayed again and hopefully released from plaster.

3. This means no Greenbelt. My mum pointed out that it's likely to get kicked or trodden on. I wouldn't like this. Better safe than sorry, eh?

4. Today is my wedding anniversary. Matt and I have been married for 4 years. We're having slightly subdued celebrations due to my immobility...

More Sore Paw

My foot is getting more sore but I'm geting more used to it being in plaster, so it's swings and roundabouts. I'm juggling paracetamol and ibuprofen - I think geting the swelling down on my ankle would help me a lot.

The interview went well, I think. I seemed to get on well with the interviewers, I answered all their questions, I told them about all my skills, and I don't think I could have done much better without a plaster cast. I should find out towards the middle to end of the week so I'll let you know when I do. I hope i get it - I really liked the people and the place.

All in the timing

I went to play football last night, which I was very excited about. Unfortunately, while demonstrating my dribbling skills, I fell over the ball and hurt my ankle. After I went a bit pale and thought I was going to faint/be sick, an ambulance was called (no, not Matt, sadly, thought someone phoned him and he did come too). Three hours in casualty and a couple of x-rays later, it turned out that my career as a professional footballer would have to be put on hold - my ankle was broken. I emerged with cast and crutches and a couple of Matt's workmates gave me a lift to the car in their ambulance - yes, special treatment!

The good thing is that it doesn't hurt too much. The bad thing is that I have my interview on Friday, we're moving house in 3 weeks and I'm supposed to be going to Greenbelt to steward in about 5 weeks. This may not be possible. It's back to the hospital for a fracture clinic on Wednesday, where they'll take off the backslab and either put a fibreglass plaster on or stick it in a big bandage. Either way, I think I'll be immobile for a while..

Finding, doing, sorting

I found my mp3 player - it had slipped inside a pocket of my bag whch I don't ever use. And I decided I don't even want to graduate anyway. I saw some people watching graduation on a screen in the cafeteria and - I'd forgotten how boring it is. Maybe I'll just pick up my certificate and we can all meet in the pub for a drink to celebrate. So all the bad things from last week are not so bad.

Today I am doing many good things. I've tidied the lounge and kitchen and cleaned the bathroom. I'm packing up tetrapaks we've saved to post off to be recycled. I'm gearing up for moving house as well by making lists and returning things we've borrowed. If you lend me somehing, I promise you will always get it back. But possibly not until we move house...

More good things!

1. I have a job interview! It's for New Charter Housing Trust, to be a Neighbourhood Management Assistant. I'm very excited - apart from the fact that I would really like a job, the company looks really good and the job involves helping people - solving problems, dealing with complaints, finding ways to make people happy, which I find very satisfying.
2. As an added bonus, the job is in Ashton-under-Lyne, where we are hopefully moving to at the end of the month. This will be very convenient (walking to work? What a novel idea!) if I get the job. As long as everything works out, we're going to rent a friend's house. The house is beautiful and as Ashton is on the edge of Greater Manchester, it's near fields and trees, which will fill my heart with joy.
3. I saw my uni friends at the weekend and had an amazing time. It was great to catch up and to spend some time with Gillian's baby, Joel. He's 14 months old and is a really lovely, gorgeous baby. He's just so cute! I had so much fun with my friends.

There are some bad things too: someone has stolen my mp3 player from my bag, so I can't listen to my music on the bus, and apparently I don't get to graduate for having a postgraduate certificate. Now, I think I've worked hard enough over the past year to deserve to get clapped by lots of people while wearing flappy black robes (and Matt couldn't get off work to ocme to my undergrad graduation, so I'd like him to come to this one) so I'm going to try to be allowed. However, some friends have said that if I can't, they'll come to Student Services when I go to collect my certificate and will clap. And then we can all go to the pub to celebrate. Perhaps I'll even throw a hat in the air.

I love you. I really do. I love you allllllll...

Sometimes my life feels a bit rubbish. But I've just been to Sanctus and I feel happy. There's something about sitting outside a pub cheering a man on a hydraulic platform (what were you doing, man? Cleaning windows? Stealing? Street theatre? We don't know) with friends which just makes life better. You people... you make me laugh, you make me feel special, you laugh at my jokes and you let me tell pointless and meandering stories badly.

Honestly, I'm gushing. I'm not saying anything I want to say and I'm not even saying things I don't want to say with any kind of finesse or style. But I just feel pleased to have friends I like and who seem to like me too. I want to run up to them and throw my arms around them and thank them for being my friends, for being amazing, for... I don't know what. However, I think that might frighten them.

So I think it's better that I just go to bed now. Goodnight.

four things I'd like to tell you

A good few days...

1. Cheesy dancing at Aqua. It's a bit of a dive but friendly. Added excitement when the night finished very suddenly at 1.30 due to a drugs raid.

2. A barbecue. The weather mostly held and lots of people came. I feel very special having so many people coming to celebrate my birthday.

3. Yesterday, my actual birthday, was a bit lame. I've developed an unpleasant cough/cold/sore throat/headache, so I was a bit too tired. I'm liking the feel of 27 so far though.

4. Results! I got 64% for the module I've done this term and 72% for the year-long module. So that makes my average something like 65%. Hopefully I should get a merit for the year and also about £500 back in tuition fees. And a sense of achievement - I think I've made the right decision in not doing any more studying, but now I also feel like a success.

Hurrah for me. cough cough.

Cheese-a-rama

I am tired because I got up at 6.15 this morning to go to Chester for a meeting. As it took 3 hours travel each way for one meeting I'm not sure how efficient it was. While I support the idea of public transport (and not just because I can't drive...) it doesn't feel very feasible for work. Tomorrow I'm going to Huddersfield and Leeds and will be out of the house for 12 hours - I have a couple of hours empty time in the middle) and on Friday I have to go to a conference in Ormskirk, for which I will be getting up at about 6.00 and be out of the house for 9 hours or so.

However, nothing can dampen my enthusiasm! This weekend it is my birthday and I will be 27! I'm very excited about this as I like odd numbers. 26 has not had much to recommend it so I'm happy to move on. To celebrate I am going out dancing on Friday night - we're meeting at the Knott Bar at 8 and then going somewhere to dance to cheesy music. Then on Saturday we are having a barbecue and I intend to have a big cake as well, to celebrate my birthday and finishing studying. Matt is going to make it for me. One year he made me a surprise birthday cake and I was very happy. This one is unsurprising but I hope will be equally pleasing.

If you would like to come post your email address and I'll send directions.

Any ideas for where we can find 80s cheese in Manchester?

Is it so much to ask that someone gives me a job?

I have been turned down for another job this week and it's getting a bit depressing - apart from anything else, there are other things I'd like to do on a Friday evening than write supporting statements for application forms.

I know that I am very talented and, if I was given a good job I could do it very well and be happy. After all, I'm a master of strategy, I have excellent communication skills, I'm enthusiastic and I'm funny. So why wouldn't anyone want me?

1. If your office was full of spiders you might get a bit tired of me being scared of them.
2. You might not be intereted in what I think about gender, how the economy would be better if everyone worked less and gardened more, or why people profiting from investing in property is unhelpful.
3. You might like having a big car and driving it around a lot.
4. You might not want to find me talking every time you come in the office (but honestly, it's a coincidence...)
5. You might just be really stupid.

Ok, I'm done. Back to the applications.

Must lose weight

Am spurred to lose weight and develop a very flat stomach. Have just been asked by a colleague if I'm pregnant.

No, just fat.

Tired and emotional

but not in the Greenbelt sense...

I am very tired - it's been a difficult week for various reasons (yes, I choose to take holiday from work to concide with life being rubbish) and I haven't slept very well due to the heat. So I am very tired and not looking forward to getting back to work on Tuesday.

I'm feeling a little disillusioned about finding a new job at the moment - I've applied for a few admin/events management jobs and have either not heard anything or been turned down (again this morning). A lot of jobs I'm interested in have asked for a full UK driving license, which is problematic beacuse I can't afford to learn until I get a full-time job, but can't get a full-time job I want without a driving license. Also, I don't really want to be a one-car family, never mind two cars.

I went to a careers fair on Wednesday which was helpful. I'm considering a career in social housing and spoke to a few different organisations. I think I'd like to work for a housing association, starting in a customer-facing role then working towards a career in regeneration. Lack of housing experience is not an insurmountable problem but my research suggests that I will, in the not-too-distant future, need to return to study to get professional qualifications. I bet you can imagine my joy at the thought of that!

I believe...

I have been having some 'issues' with faith over the past couple of years. As in I've stopped believing God exists.

I did this quiz and came out as a humanist. A few days later I got a free copy of New Humanist magazine through the post. So I thought maybe it was a sign that I should be a humanist. Then I realised that if I was one I wouldn't believe in signs. Back to where I started.

I was looking forward to being a humanist as well.

Must learn from my mistakes

Went away with Sanctus1 this weekend. It was a brilliant weekend - some interesting discussions around parables and lots of spending time with my friends, plus Lucy and I risking our lives trying to get to the sea, only to find it was brown and horrible and full of jellyfish. Myn, Rob abd Richard came up with a fantastic treasure hunt in which teams had to take photos of a variety of things. Very funny. We didn't win but I bet we had the most fun.

Last year I drank too much and had to be carried to bed pretty much unconcious. Which made me appreciate me friends. This year I planned not to do that but unfortunately surpassed myself, not only having to be carried to bed but also being violently sick all over the bathroom door and falling asleep with my head in the toilet bowl. I feel very privileged to have friends who take care of me after I do that, clean up vile-smelling sick, put up with me telling them how much I love them or, alternatively, that they're shit (sorry Stephen. I really didn't mean it), and not seeming to mind too much or judging me for it - even finding it funny, I think. Lev, Lucy, Eyan, Tony, Janet, thank you. I'm glad I have friends I feel safe with and trust to look after me.

Here's what I've learnt. Once I get to a certain point, my good intentions about not getting drunk go out of the window and I proceed to drink as much as I can until I fall off the sofa. So next year I have to decide how much I'm going to drink and stick to it, get my friends to help me, drink slowly and not just alcohol, and above all, not get to the point where I drink recklessly. Yesterday I had a monster hangover and today I still feel wretched. I think my liver is angry with me.

What's that? Ooh, it looks like the end!

Yes, the end is in sight. In two weeks' time I shall be on holiday, (no, not going anywhere, just at home) lying in bed and enjooying being free. I have a first draft of the monster essay. Last night I dreamt I got 65% for it. I think this was not prophetic as it is quite embarrassingly bad. And everyone says "but I'm sure it's not as bad as you think." Honestly, I'm not one of those people. It really is bad. It's about imperialism and doesn't discuss what imperialism is. It's not 6200 words so I need to get rid of approximately 2700 of them. That's my job for next week.

This week I'm finishing my dissertation proposal. This is about the right word length but needs some critical thinking put into it. Could be tricky.

And this could really be the end, folks. When writing my essay last week I realised I wasn't enjoying it and hadn't enjoyed anything I'd done all year. So why, if I don't enjoy doing research and analysis, do an MA just to get a research and analysis job? All the jobs I've ever done, I've enjoyed organising things. So now I'm looking into whether I can get a postgraduate certificate for the work I've done so far and then launch myself into the world of careers. I'm thinking along the lines of events management or operations - something practical.

And then I can have my life back, see my friends, get more involved in the Green Party and Friends of the Earth, more involved with Sanctus and see Matt occasionally. I think I can contribute more by doing a supporting role in an organisation which is doing the sort of things I'm interested in than making myself unhappy trying to come up with a New Plan For Humanity which will have serious theoretical flaws badly hidden in it.

Essay-stressay-messay

I promise, after June 5th, to write more cheerful posts, and more often.

I am scared that I'm spending all this time on an essay which is going to be no good.

I'm scared that I won't be able to put a good argument together.

I'm scared that my lecturer will think I'm stupid.

I'm scared of failing my MA.

I don't now how bad failing would be. I wouldn't be able to do a lot of jobs which I might like to do.

I probably wouldn't be able to be in charge of the world.

But I would get my life back.

After I stopped working for SPEAK it took probably a year to really feel that my life was my own again. I loved having my life back.

There's a really stupid fly which can't find its way out of the window. I both pity and hate it for being so stupid and for annoying me.

Timewasting

I have to write an essay. But instead:

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Bank Holiday achievements

This Bank Holiday weekend I have done many things.

Friday I did some studying, went for a careers interview and watched some ER.

On Saturday I failed to do any studying but I went to see my sister, who has been in hospital for a while. We sat outside on the grass in the sun and I thought what perfect beer-garden weather it was. So I arranged to go to the pub with Eyan on Sunday, who always tells me, when I ask, why he calls himself Fat Roland. And then I always forget. When I got home I watched some ER.

On Sunday, Matt came home at 3am having hurt his back at work. I spent most of the day studying, as well as watching an episode of ER. I decided to work really hard to try to get my dissertation proposal written. After working on that for hours and hours, I went to the pub with Eyan and we had a lot of fun, vodka and coke. I was pleased to get home without being murdered - for some reason being murdered after drinking vodka and coke is so much less respectable than being murdered after drinking beer. I think it's because vodka and coke is associated with girls and obviously girls who drink too much deserve to be murdered*. Drinking vodka and coke is obviously irresponsible.

Drinking vodka and coke is irresponsible when you have to get up and write an essay the next day. But it was worth it because I love seeing Eyan. So today I finished my dissertation proposal. I'm slightly embarrassed by it at the moment, as it's pretty crap, but at least it's something I can hand in if I don't get a chance to redraft it. It's back to the imperialism essay.

But not tonight. Tonight, I'm going to watch more ER, and eat icecream.

I hope you all had as much fun as me.

*Just to clarify, that was sarcasm.

Decisions, decisions (pretty shoes)

I need to buy a pair of trainers. I have some Doc Martens which hurt my feet. I'm not sure if they're the wrong size or a bit weird but they really hurt my feet.

I've been shopping twice to try to buy some and still not succeeded. I left yesterdy because the alternative was to lie on the floor of the shop and cry.

Finally I realise why I can't buy any trainers. I haven't made a decision about everyday footwear for 10 years. This is because my standard procedure has been to find a shop that sells Dr Martens, buy a pair of black size 8 8-hole boots and put them on. I then wear them til the sole wears out and repeat the procedure.

Black Dr Marten boots are non-statement footwear. They don't look like anything. Trainers look like something. You have to choose a colour and a style. If you get that far, they won't have it in your size.

Looks like I'm consigned to more sore feet. If I were rich I would paysomeone to do my shopping for me.

But what's the point?

Here's my question: what's the point of being alive? It sounds morbid, I know, but it's one that a lot of people ask themselves. When I'm old, how can I look back at my life and feel I made good use of it? What should I do now to feel happy and satisfied, now and later? My MA isn't going well so it looks unlikely that I'm going to be a revolutionary academic and solve all of the world's problems. I have to find something else to do. What can I do that will match up to that sort of goal? And what makes you feel happy with your life?

Living the dream...

SPEAK have made the world's biggest dress and are taking it on a mini-tour. As I've done lots of logistical-type stuff at Soundcheck, the annual gathering of the SPEAK network, they've asked me if I'd like to do that for this Big Dress mini tour. Well, I'd love to. But...

1. It's in Cambridge. I live in Manchester.
2. I have a part-time job.
3. I'm doing an MA and have two essays to do.

It's been mooted as full time for a couple of months but I could possibly do it part time. I'm very tempted - I love the big dress and would love to take it on tour. I love organising events and I love SPEAK and... how much fun would it be?

I have to admit, I am tempted to (a) chuck in my job and do this for a couple of months and then get something else or (b) chuck in my MA and do this for a couple of months. I am quite bored of my job and the MA is difficult and has been severely hampered by a bit of a family crisis which has turned my brain into mush. So this is very appealing. And they'll even pay me, which would be revolutionary. I'm not sure Matt would say if I took off to Cambridge to live in a teepee for 8 weeks or so. But... it would be fun...

From parsnips to imperialism

Yes, it's essay time again. This time I'm considering whether we should be studying imperialism rather than globalisation. This is a fair question because we do talk about gloablisation quite a lot and people are starting to talk about imperialism again.

At the moment, my answer is something like this: Neoliberal globalisaiton is about western states, notably the US, trying to make the rest of the world be the way they want them to be. This is imperialistic. Globalisation is a fairly neutral term and also is used in a way that implies that it is natural and just happens. Imperialism makes clear the motives of the global powers to make the world the way they want it to be. However, globalisation isn't all bad - the effects of it open the world up. It also allows us to consider the world as a whole. So imperialistic globalisation is bad but globalisation shouldn't be written off altogether.

Or something

I love them really

Image by Dave Walker.

I actually really love parsnips. But of all the cartoons offered, I liked this on the best.

Light a candle...

The flat Matt and I lived in when we first married had no central (or other) heating and sash windows that weren't just single glazed but also let in draughts. It was pretty chilly - we could see our breath in the air - and we resorted to lighting loads of candles to take the edge off the chill.

As the gas people informed me yesterday (by the time I got home their office had shut and the contact number they gave me referrred me to another phone number which was also not being answered) that they were turning my gas off all day today and that if no-one was in today it would be off all weekend, we have no central heating. So I've gone back to candles - shut in the study with13 tea-lights. It's actually quite warm - in comparison to the rest of the house.

We try not to have the heating on too much, due to the price of gas and the whole global warming thing. However, it is cold. At least, when the gas runs out, we'll have an alternative - though I imagine candle prices will start going up... And what is candle wax made of?

Students' Union in pointless partisan debate shocker!

I had a lovely lunch with Myn at the Cornerhouse today. Then I decided to go to the Students' Union meeting, where there were some votes I wanted to take part in - about the Students' Union making ethical decisions (stuff like the Nestle boycott, that sort of thing) and something about the World Bank. I did deliberate about this, as I'm pretty busy and any time spent in SU meetings is time I can't spend watching ER. However, principles are principles and if you don't vote, you acn't complain when they do what you don't want them to.

However, proceedings descended into farce. There was a motion put forward which said that:

1. The US is bad
2. The US supports Israel
3. Some Latin American countries are doing pretty cool lefty things right next door to the US
4. We should twin with universities in Palestine and Venezuela.

Amendements were put forward by someone from the Jewish Society saying that we should twin with the Hebrew University in Jerusalem which apparently has Palestinian and Israeli students and removing a line which says that Israel is a client state of the US.

This required about 4 recounts. Yes, 4. Plus, the person chairing (I think this was their first time) was unsure on the procedures and kept getting the amendments mixed up. It wasn't good. Absolute chaos and it had descended into partisan politics - Socialist workers/Respect/Islamic soc (I think) against Jewish soc.

Because the first amendment was accepted, apparently this means that the Jewish Soc guy owns the whole amendment! So he accepts the second resolution and then proceeds to argue that he wants to take out the line that said that Israel is the single biggest recipient of foreign aid. He said it wasn't. Socialist guy said it was if you count military aid. In the end, the whole thing was really stupid - we were being asked to vote on something factual when we didn't know if this was true or not. I have no idea if it passed or not.

Then we voted on whether we wanted to go straight to voting on the whole motion. Everyone did - half the recounts had been because people kept leaving during the votes before, with the chair not really having any control over the proceedings.

Then, finally we voted on the motion. Because the amendments had changed the whole spirit of the motion, pretty much everyone who had set out to support it voted agianst it and everyone who had set out to oppose it voted for it. The whole thing was ridiculous. And because it failed, we wasted a whole load of time to achieve nothing.

Marvellous.

Resisting globalisation

On Thursday the topic for our seminar is 'Social justice, resistance and global restructuring'. I am giving a seminar presentation. I saw the words 'social justice' and felt this was the area I was most likely to manage something in. However, with one thing and another, I've only just started thinking about it. I have to come up with some sort of reasopable intellectual question to discuss. Hmmm. Oh well, the worst that can happen is that I make a fool of myself, get slated by the lecturer and get a bad mark. It could be worse...

Hello March!

I managed to miss pancake day and St David's day. Apparently we're a fifth of the way through March already. One day I'm going to wake up and discover I'm dead and be really confused. "Where did my life go? Wasn't I 26 only a few days ago?" I'll be asking. Here are a few places the time went.

1. Soundcheck. When working 18-hour days stewarding, you would think life would feel longer. But it all blurs into one long episode of walking between building and worrying that you've forgotten soemthing crucial. I lost 3lbs doing it, so there's something.

2. Sleeping

3. Trying to fit 3 days of studying into a day and a half while knackered

4. Going to Belfast for a BEAUTIFUL wedding. Creative, individual, romantic, moving, and there was snow (to make up for being asked not to throw confetti, I imagine). I hoped to be snowed into Belfast Castle, but it didn't happen.

5. Being scared on planes. I don't fly too much as I've heard it has a deleterious effect on the environment. However, there's this stretch of water between us and Northern Ireland and the ferry is expensive and takes forever. I had forgotten how much I hate take-off. It feels so precarious. And then you're in the sky. It just seems wrong to me to be above the clouds. I can feel this huge big drop underneath me. And all that's keeping us up is a couple of wings that looked pretty wobbly to me. There's believing in physics and then there's taking your life into your hands. I'd prefer to believe we're kept up there by magic. On the way home I was too tired and I cried (quietly and to myself, you'll be impressed to hear) all the way through take-off. While landing feels like it should be more dangerous, by that time I've got used to being airbourne and started to trust that the wings won't fall off. On the way out, we sat over the wings for extra legroom and were very excited to get special training (reading a card) on what to do in case of a crash - take the door off and throw it out of the hole left by door removal. If anyone would like training, I can do a re-enactment of what we red, so you're prepared for any emergency exits you might need to make.

The good thing about time going is that soon we'll put the clocks forward and it will be light nearly 24 hours a day!!!!!!